It's been a few days since the ball dropped (haha ball drop) and I've finally ceased my celebrations and sobered up (sort of). That is because I believe that New Year's is like Miley's birthday: it cannot be contained into just ONE day. It needs its proper due, and that kind of constant alcohol consumption should really be spaced out over a week.
Naturally I don't remember everything that happened (I mean, I can't even remember stuff that happened when I'm sober so...) but here is some of the stuff that I DO remember:
I got asked out by a Hasidic Jewish man on the street.
Welcome to Brooklyn. In the adventurous spirit of the new year I gave him my number. And then refused to answer his calls.
I won a dance contest against an angry Pygmie.
She might not have been a pygmie, she was just short, extremely rude, and in really bad lighting.
I ate Jellyfish for the first time. It was disgusting.
It was, besides alcohol, my first-and hopefully only-calorie of 2014.
I took a round of shots with Marc Jacobs, Meryl Streep, and Nora Ephron's ghost.
That was fun.
I sang karaoke with Bjork
We killed Welcome To The Jungle.
I sent Heather Locklear an apology bouquet.
Little does she know the "water" is actually cat pee.
Commandeered a Party Bus from Charlie Sheen
And turned it into a "Patty Bus" by making black skinny jeans and boots a requirement for entry. The only drink available was Patron. I think I saw Helen there.
I stole the Declaration of Independence.
Screw you Nicholas Cage, I don't care that you did it first.
I called the cops on Kylie Jenner
My landlord got murdered.
I kind of want to solve the case. I've already planned out my detective outfit.
Most of that was true.
Cheers!
Love,
Patty
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