I Ditched the Duchess of Cambridge for Tom Ford

So I've actually voluntarily absented myself from much of London Fashion Week this year because Kate & William have been just DYING to show me the baby (I missed the royal birth because I was busy talking Kanye through Kim's delivery *sigh*). Also Kate has been begging me to go get a blowout with her so we did that and gabbed and she enjoyed the fact that she can drink again and I enjoyed the fact that I never had to stop. Seriously, cheers to that, Kate; I have no idea how you went nine months being both royal and sober with a HUMAN GROWING INSIDE YOU.
Sorry. I still haven't reconciled myself to this whole "pregnancy" thing. I'm still on board with the whole "stork" thing.

This is what my life has been for the last week, except George is now ON THE OUTSIDE.

Either way I managed to get some time away from the hectic pampering of Kensington in order to take in the Tom Ford show, which is always an experience. I know because I had like eighteen different experiences during the ten minute show, which is a new record for me, I think.
Let's review, shall we?

 If you are going to escape from a chic insane asylum this season DO IT IN TOBACCO.

 Barcalounger's are going to be HUGE next Spring. I think it's 'cus it'll be the 10th anniversary of Friends and we miss Chandler's shapeless ass.

 I think that tank is made out of that weird netting they package oranges in. I think.

 I'm less concerned with her outfit and more concerned with finding out what bird died to make that bag BECAUSE I WANT IT.

RIBBON DANCERS. That is all.

 

Oh wait. 

 Pretty sure I saw Courtney Love doing lines off this dress backstage.

  Spiderwebs does not underwear make.

Seriously, I can see everything.

 Spring 2014 is all about unusual tan lines.

 

This just makes me uncomfortable. Probably because it reminds me of Suessical.

I'm 99.9% certain this dress was made using only items found at Home Depot, with mostly paint chips and window screens.

 OMG IS THAT BEYONCÉ????

And then Tom came out and I started having a seizure induced by his foxiness and had to be escorted out. Judge all you want, Anna, go ahead, judge me.

In total it all felt very YSL, Alex Wang, and Balmain in the midst of a 3-way. At Studio 54. But in a jungle...so just Studio 54, I guess.

I'll let you know how Milan goes. Is anyone else feeling super awkward about the Dolce & Gabbana collection? I'm worried they might get arrested DURING the show. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Cheers!


Love,
Patty

Photos courtesy of style.com

Cheers from New York Fashion Week!

I don't always go to NYFW (I prefer Paris in general) but when I do I make a statement. 

Boots: Fiorentini + Baker, Jeans: Rag & Bone, Tee: Uniqlo, Glasses: Ray-Ban, Bag: Givenchy

You betta watch yoself because FASHION WEEK IS HAPPENING AND IT IS SO INTENSE. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? WILL ANNA WINTOUR SMILE? WILL MICHAEL KORS PROVE AGAIN THAT HE IS BETTER AT WINTER THAN SPRING? WHAT WILL ADR WEAR ON HER HEAD? IS CORN GOING TO BE A MAJOR THEME FOR SPRING 2014?
I have so many questions.

Fortunately there are things that are helping tide me over until I can answer these burning questions. Things such as the Pierre Balmain collection:

 How did you find me here?

 

I've been waiting for the bathroom FOREVER.

 

SIDE MAN BOOB

 

I got in an accident and have to wear this body cast until the next collection.

 

I SAID JUST THE TIP.

Or Jason Wu:

 This just slapped the peplum into next spring. DAMNIT.

 It's like the bat signal on her chest but sexy.

 SHE'S SWIMMING IN DIAMONDS

 I hate your hair, Karlie.

Thanks GP for the side butt!

Or Rebecca Minkoff:

 I hate the bride so much.

 WHO'S READY FOR COACHELLA?

I don't know why but this makes me want to play soccer and get margaritas. I DON'T KNOW.

Oh and thanks for the amazing tank RM. You're a babe.

D.own T.o F.iesta

Love,

Patty

Photos courtesy of style.com

Haider Ackermann Men's Spring 2014

When I saw Haider Ackermann was back on the calendar for Men's Fashion Week I took a celebratory shot. Haider is one of my favorite designers and after his absence from MFW for three years now (his last men's collection was for Spring 2011) I have been missing his work terribly, and had to fill the void with pictures of Tilda Swinton rocking his clothes to the umpteenth degree.
Should I have been worried about him finally reentering the menswear arena? After such a long time away from the runway his tailoring might be rusty...BUT NOPE. He knocked it out of the park and delivered a gorgeous collection in a mix of rusty pastels and shimmering black which I will be coveting until they hit the racks at Barney's.

 These. Pants. I. Must. Have. Them.

 Loving the tonality of these lilac trousers, and those shoes are perfection.

 Just think about all you could hide in that coat. ALT must be dying right now.

 Normally I'm not one for vests, but I'll make an exception, least because I look smashing in green.

 Everything. I want everything. It's like Crouching Tiger Hidden Style Icon.

 This suit with nothing underneath? Tres Tina Chow=Tres chic.

I'm done.

Love,
Patty

All photos courtesy of style.com

Band of Outsiders Men's Spring 2014

Alright, normally their clothes aren't quite what draws my attention-I'm more of a Balmain, Balenciaga, Ann Demeulemeester boy, but for Spring 2014 Band of Outsiders pulled out some pretty good stops, enough so to make me brake for squirrels, or whatever. Maybe it was just the casting of Devendra Banhart as their mannequin-which was GENIUS-but either way I was definitely thrown by the great casual mix of elegant and beachy.
It made me want to be a skater in LA in the 90s, which is something I would NEVER want...so way to go BOO.

That moment after a homeless guy flashes you and you realize it isn't his junk he's showing you but actually his awesome seafoam chinos.

White with a black collar? Tres chic. Although that circle window makes it look like he's on a cruise.

Now wave goodbye to your friends as you board said cruise, in an amazing camel jacket. But seriously don't go on a cruise; they're creepy. Have you seen Ghost Ship?

I love it when men wear a topcoat. You can't beat it. Just wear it like you're Kate Moss and it's a fabulous Fendi fur.

Love,

Patty

All photos courtesy of style.com