Wednesday, December 4, 2013

So Ugly They Should Be At MOMA

It's Wednesday and I'm feeling extremely conflicted. Not because I can't decide which pair of sunglasses to wear when/if I leave the house today or because Tom Daley finally came out but apparently is already having a May-December romance with the guy who wrote Milk so ugh (also that's so gay). No, it's because of Solange Knowles. You love Solange. I love Solange. I've loved her ever since the time we shared a cab with Rita Ora to JFK the morning after Beyonce's baby shower (god it feels like forever ago) but WHY SOLANGE? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THIS?
These are so ugly they could be an installation at MOMA.
I get that fashion is returning to the funkitude of the 90s, lord knows I love ripped jeans and underage Kate Moss, but there are certain things that, like a zombie, were meant to stay dead and never be resurrected but then oh whoops fuck the world they're back. Solange has paired up with Puma to design a line of sneakers apparently inspired by Brazil (sorry Brazil) but more or less look like she found them at Goodwill where they had been kicking it (get it?) for the last fifteen years. And then she did some ecstasy. 

 It's like something Courtney Love puked up.

 Don't these just scream Angelica Pickles/crack to you?

I'm just too confused by the scalloped detail to have an opinion on this. Wait, no, it's still ugly.

These are going to be on the feet of every whorey go-go boy at next years Pride.

If I see any of you wearing these I'm never speaking to you again.


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