Stop it Miley. Stop it.

So I was planning to attend the VMAs Sunday night, but one of Rihanna's gays sent me this photo of Miley on the red carpet, and I automatically told my driver to turn around and head straight for the rooftop at the Jane because I needed to feel safe and secure.

I feel like it's watching me.

Anyways, I made friends with my vodka tonic and was feeling much better, but then someone happened to be streaming the show on their ipad (I still don't know why there was an ipad at the Jane) and I saw this:

I ordered another vodka.

Then this happened:

And I ordered three tequila shots and wondered what was wrong with the world. Fortunately I don't think I was alone:

Lol Zayn.

But despite Miley doing her worst there was one thing about the VMAs that made me feel really okay in a way that nothing else but GOOP has in a long time: 

Look it's Jesus!

I have a new hairspiration. Sorry Kate.  

To celebrate my restored faith in humanity I automatically prank-called Heather Locklear pretending to be Angela Merkel. Heather is now on her way to Germany under the assumption that she is going to be attending a state dinner and giving a speech on starving children in Africa before half the world's diplomats. Ha. I had to get her back for sending me all those bees.

Have fun in Germany, Heather!

Love,

Patty

All images courtesy of Getty and Heather Locklear's choices.