I Ditched the Duchess of Cambridge for Tom Ford

So I've actually voluntarily absented myself from much of London Fashion Week this year because Kate & William have been just DYING to show me the baby (I missed the royal birth because I was busy talking Kanye through Kim's delivery *sigh*). Also Kate has been begging me to go get a blowout with her so we did that and gabbed and she enjoyed the fact that she can drink again and I enjoyed the fact that I never had to stop. Seriously, cheers to that, Kate; I have no idea how you went nine months being both royal and sober with a HUMAN GROWING INSIDE YOU.
Sorry. I still haven't reconciled myself to this whole "pregnancy" thing. I'm still on board with the whole "stork" thing.

This is what my life has been for the last week, except George is now ON THE OUTSIDE.

Either way I managed to get some time away from the hectic pampering of Kensington in order to take in the Tom Ford show, which is always an experience. I know because I had like eighteen different experiences during the ten minute show, which is a new record for me, I think.
Let's review, shall we?

 If you are going to escape from a chic insane asylum this season DO IT IN TOBACCO.

 Barcalounger's are going to be HUGE next Spring. I think it's 'cus it'll be the 10th anniversary of Friends and we miss Chandler's shapeless ass.

 I think that tank is made out of that weird netting they package oranges in. I think.

 I'm less concerned with her outfit and more concerned with finding out what bird died to make that bag BECAUSE I WANT IT.

RIBBON DANCERS. That is all.

 

Oh wait. 

 Pretty sure I saw Courtney Love doing lines off this dress backstage.

  Spiderwebs does not underwear make.

Seriously, I can see everything.

 Spring 2014 is all about unusual tan lines.

 

This just makes me uncomfortable. Probably because it reminds me of Suessical.

I'm 99.9% certain this dress was made using only items found at Home Depot, with mostly paint chips and window screens.

 OMG IS THAT BEYONCÉ????

And then Tom came out and I started having a seizure induced by his foxiness and had to be escorted out. Judge all you want, Anna, go ahead, judge me.

In total it all felt very YSL, Alex Wang, and Balmain in the midst of a 3-way. At Studio 54. But in a jungle...so just Studio 54, I guess.

I'll let you know how Milan goes. Is anyone else feeling super awkward about the Dolce & Gabbana collection? I'm worried they might get arrested DURING the show. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Cheers!


Love,
Patty

Photos courtesy of style.com