Ever since I was little I have wanted to marry the Aga Khan. I wanted to be like the Peter Sarstedt song “Where Do You Go To My Lovely” where he sings “You know the Aga Khan” except I wanted it to be “You wed the Age Khan” or something. Basically this all stems from the fact that my biggest aspiration is to marry into a title. Yes, I would have had to convert to Islam for him, but it would be worth it because then I would be a Prince.
Unfortunately this dream has been crushed since Prince Rahim Aga Khan, who was my Prince William before Prince William was even a thing, was married to a MODEL just a few days ago ON LAKE GENEVA. I’m literally crushed by this news. I had to go cry in the bathroom at Harper’s Bazaar but fortunately since there is only one other man in the whole place I didn’t have to worry about anyone walking in on me during my sob fest.
Please kill me.
My heart hurts.
I'm literally devastated.
I KNOW YOU THINK YOU'RE KATE MIDDLETON BUT YOU AREN'T.
So, congrats Kendra Spears, you managed to not only crush my childhood dreams but you managed to add insult to injury and be a top model. And you get advice from Naomi Campbell. Do you know what I would give to get advice from Naomi Campbell? I’m sure she is a way better therapist than Christie Brinkley, who is phoning it in right now, frankly.
So congrats. You just leapt right passed Heather Locklear to the head of my list. Watch out for bees.
Photos courtesy of HuffPo.